When The Destiny Smiles...

They talked after that meeting once only, as Akanksha's voice of rejection was simply intolerable to him, (although she managed not saying any rude words). Akshat did not call her again, so did Akanksha. They even did not discuss the reason.
With the days passed the memories did not dim (they were still sweet for they accepted the rejection), just the frequency reduced.Actually Akanksha rejected him and he did not get a chance to accept her. physically each one of them was rejected but mentally they were struck with each other. They made a lots of friends in between, tried to figure out further possibilities in them, but never and no-where they could achieve the same intimacy.
Still sometimes the thought of each other when struck their heart, they wanted to see each other, but the self-respect, attitude and above all to respect others feeling (in their case - rejection) was what inspired them and they did not talk at all.

But what if destiny was blessing them, and was determined to make them see each other once again.
The years rolled by, four years, no more no less.
Akanksha was in hyderabad, was working in a multinational company. She wanted to switch over the technology she was working upon. and hence was under selection process of some world class company.
It was 3rd of april 1:00 pm. and today was the last 12th HR round. all 11 round she had completed. Almost all the 32 selected candidates were sure to get through (as it was just a formality).
At her call, she entered the cabin, and wished all the people in the panel, shook hands to all of them.
and the last person whom she shook her hand with was ,,,,,,,,, Akshat ,,,ahh,,, how much changed. The sweat could be seen on her face. her hand was cold in Akshat's hand itself.
He obviously could observe this and he talked something with the panel, and he went out of the cabin. After 10 minutes he came back, checked out her resume, and just appreciated her casually. he said- your hobby of scratching chalk seems different. :) he signed her appointment letter, and passed it back to other people of the panel.
They in turn congratulated her. Now Akanksha's face was ghostly white. they told her that the joining date is 10th April, and she was needed to complete all formalities by 8th of april. She was already lost, 'spaced out' was her situation. yet she managed to say 'thankyou' and she got out of the room. took an auto rick-Shaw said- Marwah Tower and stopped herself exactly on her bed, in her room at 6th floor. She looked at the watch once again It struck 2:05 pm.

"What a change life can make..." with in an hour. She did not take her lunch even when she also did not had the breakfast in haste. Thoughts thoughts and thoughts of him only, and she did not know when was she slept. when she awoke at 8pm , she was famished, went in the kitchen and cooked pasta for herself. and made a glass of Horlicks-milk, switched on her laptop and connected broadband. automatically g talk was opened,( because of settings).
she made her tag busy,and had her food in peace.
Then made the tag available, few friends pinged and asked about the news, congratulated her and vanished.

It was 10 pm something made her clicking on settings, and then on blocked connections, and she unlocked the 'reach_akshat@gmail.com'.
He was not signed in. Those eight months in flash came once again before her eyes.
and after 15 min he was online. The tag available. She kept looking at his picture.

It took her 30 mins to decide and gather the courage needed to ping a 'hi' on his screen.
In a while she saw those three magical words 'Akshat is typing' . The horror and the eagerness made the feeling of her unpredictable.

Akshat: hi
Congratulations!! :)
How have you been?

Akanksha: Thank you. :)
Everything is all right at my end.
say about you!
Akshat: The same as you. :)

and then a horrible silence swept over them, so on gtalk. for 15 mins they did not know what to say.
Finally Akshat Broke the silence. They started talking about the project in the company, slowly after talking one hour they were once again in coherence.
They said Bye to each other at 3:00 am, even when no one of them wanted to.. but had to. As they talked talked and talked, and unknown joy and satisfaction swept over them. The joy of Akanksha's voice and chirpiness was back, and they talked as they used to. No more uncomfortable they were with each other. No more horror and no more fear.


On 10th when she joined the company, they met on lunch. The first thing she noticed was- a miracle sort of thing..
Akshat was a bit taller. may be 5'6" or 5'7" (how come ..her brain asked.. and answered ''the long looks (the famous tablets to increase height)"
Immediately she checked out the heels of his shoes, yeah flat they were.
Next thing she noticed was the 'confidence', she noticed it in their earlier meeting also, but it had not much scope to consider that.
He was looking healthier even, fairer in complexion, his curly hair truly were attractive this time.
Ahh! what a shit she was thinking ,,, she whacked herself, stood at her place as he came to her table, and they sat together.
The lunch was delicious.
As they talked, the same maturity and understanding, which impressed Akanksha once was again taking hold over her.
Akshat too could not stop himself looking at her beautiful face, specifically the way she talked, her slang, pet words, and the childlike laugh.
Everything was seeming perfect today, for the first time,,,seriously Damn Perfect. and this was when they realized that.."No, they were not the wrong match, rather they were the perfect".. the thoughts and talks knew no end. And both of them decided to let the river flow, for they yearned for this intimacy last 4 years.
They exchanged their address card after lunch, and when they left the table there was no more height gap in between them. No more rejection even in thoughts, and the guilt of rejecting another also vanished. The world was joyful once again.

After three months together, They accepted that they loved each other. and they confessed a lot other things as well (which already were known to each other) as they were the soul-mates. Akanksha told him that she was shocked at his height at first meeting .. for she always wanted to marry him.

"MARRY.....ME" Ooh my God...... My God's Godly Goodness.
"seriously" as Akshat said these words she looked at him puzzled.
and he gave back a smile and said
"THANK GOD" you too wished the same.
and yes because you already proposed me, its my responsibility to make you happy.. like always it had been.
So I say" yes " akki . (he gave her a cute nick name)

Her eyes first broadened, she blushed then and then tears started rolling down her cheeks, She said .. "Sorry.. for what I did Akshat"
He took her face in his hands and said ....You already paid for it.
Now come on get out of here. Let us have Ice-cream.

Akshat smiled, and He was looking the most handsome man of all, as Akanksha was her princess.
He bought her favorite flavor, but today she wanted to taste his (flavor) hence she exchanged the ice cream. (Actually she doubted if that flavor of ice-cream had the power to make someone mature and understanding.

Ahh!!! Silly thoughts of her. She looked at him, once again and then kept her head on his shoulder.... and they walked.
Their world was complete.

G-talk se H-talk tak!!

hi, how are u doing, my angel. :)
never mind but because this is the convention so asking for 'ASL' plz.
... yeah Before that I am Akshat from Banglore.

As this message flashed on her screen, she was puzzled to see if she could receive the messages from a person who is not added in her friend list even without signing in any chat room.
She was checking her mails on yahoo, (new version-chat enabled). Finishing all mails, she inspected the id from which she was receiving the messages. It said- reach_akshat@yahoo.co.in, She got a smile as it resembled with her id( reach_akanksha@yahoo.co.in) and she decided to reply
hi.
I am doing fine, Akshat. Thank you.
May I know what this "ASL" means.


Akshat: :) thanks for replying, you took a long time, so I became hopeless for response.
A-age
S-sex
L-location

Akanksha: OK.
A=20
S=F
L=Kanpur

Akshat: A=21
S=M
L=Bangalore
E=B.Tech. 3rd year

Akanksha: E(akanksha)=E(akshat)
:)

Akshat: wooh, thats great. from where.
well I am doing it from RBIT, Bangalore.
My branch is CSE.

Akanksha: My branch is also the same, am doing it from HBTI, Kanpur.
:)

Akshat: Wooh.. can we be friends :) !! ?? I want to talk to u more, if u don't mind.
It feels good talking a person of ur kind. right!!.

Akanksha wanted to ask him, that how a message from unknown id flashed on her screen, but it skipped out of her mind.
She liked the boy's manner of talking, although she never went in chat rooms or never added an unknown id in her buddy list, but today she did.

She was not used to of yahoo chat,so she told him, that he can reach her on gtalk- reach_akanksha@gmail.com
and said 'Bye' for now.
He replied, "see u soon :) ".

Next day when she was online on gtalk, she received his invitation, for an unknown reason she was happy clicking 'yes', with a hope to see the green signal with available tag. But He was not. But then the mail notifications popped up a mail by him. She opened the gmail, and read the mail, thouroghly.

Hi Akanksha,
Hopefully you would have recognized me, :)
You can choose adding me.
Thank you.
Have a Good day!!
bye.
Ak$#@t...
with an attachment of a song-- "jungle jungle baat chali hai " , The mowgli- Jungle book.

She liked the song, as it drove her back in childhood memories.
At night after dinner, when she came online again, Akshat too was online, with a 'busy' tag, and the pic of writing hand.
But in a while he pinged her, they chatted and chatted a lot. and after 2 hours of chatting, it seemed they can become very good friends.
And so did they do, and after that they chatted almost every night, almost on every topic.
Akshat told about his hobbies as playing guitar,(He also has formed a college band, with his friends), He liked to collect different kind of pebbles, and had a beautiful collection of it. He was an enthusiastic player.

Akanksha liked cooking, singing and dancing. She also used to make beautiful designs on chalk pieces by scratching it with the help of needle. Akanksha's favorite game was badminton, she also liked chess.
Akshat had a younger sister, studying in class 12th, while Akanksha had a younger brother studying in 10th.
Akanksha's father was in bank, and Akshat belonged to a business family. Both were MBA aspirants, and both had same area of interest in Computer subjects as well.
Their chats were sometimes focused on the discussion of Internet technology, programming languages,networking, algorithms, other times on DBMS, College project, at times also on back-biting of teachers and boasting of their selves that how they fooled their teachers on copies.
They also talked about few recipes, as Akshat was so keen of food.
Both of them liked traveling a lot, hence their chats were also consisted of descriptions of the places they visited.
Sometimes even they shared the horrible and mysterious dreams they saw. These chats knew no end.
On Akanksha's Birthday she received a 100s of scraps at her account on a social networking website.
Akshat had a great collection of songs, great sense of humor as well, so he used to send situational songs and beautiful mails to her almost everyday.
On friend-ship day, Raksha-bandhan, Teachers Day,Dushehra, Diwali and Children's day the good wishes were exchanged with enthusiasm and love.
No one knew when they became a habit to each other, If the buddy at the next end was late even by few minutes, One started being nervous and eager to know the reason. Although they never expressed, but it was showed in the expressions they typed.

By nature Akshat was slow, understanding and mature, while Akanksha was enthusiastic, demanding and innocent.
It went 5 months by and by, and today when he told her that he has got through campus selection in HCL, Akanksha wanted to wish him and hence asked for his no. They talked, and she found his voice deep and soothing, while he liked the joy of her voice. She spoke the same way as she typed, the girlish expressions, with a lots of chirpiness. But she too had a deep voice when was serious.
There were times when Akshat was so depressed and She helped him perceiving the situation differently.

We also must give credit to "Reliance 495/- plan" which brought them even closer.

It was February, the valentine's day, they wished each other, with lots of yellow rose e-cards.

But one thing , that both of them never could understand, why they were becoming voracious to listen others' voice.
Eight months of their friendship with the 'change in meaning and purpose of it' passed by now.
Now they used to share all the problems of their life only with each other.
As his/her number used to flash on their mobile screen, it knew no bounds of joy to the receiver.


Did they see each other?? Oh yes.
Akanksha was a long legged lass, with curved figure and sweet mouth. Lips particularly thick and beautiful. The doll of Afghan she looked like. hair short but cut and arranged fashionably, She was so keen of posing, hence had a large collection of her pics.
Akshat did not like to be framed, but he did it for her, and mailed the photo. He was a grave face, spects made him appear thoughtful too.

But apart from the photographs, they set an imagined persona resembling with the faces they saw in photos, in their sub-conscious.
Every time they felt touched with the thoughts of others, they wanted to see each other, definitely had a hidden desire of romance, actually they were up to, but nothing was accepted in words. Its just that things kept going on.

Every next day they took a leap,shared more between them, and the intimacy was such that one used to estimate others thoughts before his/her mind reacted. They were in synchronization, in coherence.

As the days passed by, They yearned more and more to see each other.

Finally It was march 2, Akshat was participating in Tech-kriti, the annual technical festival of IIT/Kanpur. Both of them bounced with joy when he told her that he is representing his college, and hence got the travel allowance from the college.
Now the calls and chats were at their peak. Their days and nights, Heart and soul all filled only with the thoughts of each other. They were lost in anticipating what would she/he say when they would meet, what would they be wearing while meeting. What a lot other things they were going to tell each other. And above all they were dying to see each other in person ( whom they have dreamed a lot ), from whom they were sharing almost everything of their routine from last eight months, with whom they had explored their lives once again, the person who made him/her change his/her attitude and the perception about life, whose words could soothe like balm, That angel friend.

And It was 17th march when Akshat was in Kanpur, at 11:40 pm, He called her and told that he was in Kanpur. In enthusiasm and Anticipation She did not feel sleepy tonight. The sleep already was off from Akshat's eyes too.
Whole night the situation of both of them was the same. Each and every chat and calls they shared went through their thoughts once again, like a flash back. Few of the things which had impressed them, like Bold and Italics they flashed more brightly in memories.

At 4 am Akanksha slept finally, while Akshat could not as he could not stop himself thinking of her.
But he too slept at 7 am in the morning as his body could not help him any more but brains still were thinking of her.
and he saw a dream.
"She is wearing a pink-white Salwar suit, a jovial face, and the divine walk.. she came closer to him and gave him a gift.
The gift contained five pieces of chalks on which the designs of Ganesha, Nat-raj, a girl dancer, flowers, and hearts were scratched and painted beautifully.
And then he sat down on his knees, and asked for her hand, said (with all the truthfulness and depth of his heart) that he had loved her from the day she was in his life, and wanted to love her throughout his life, and finally he proposed her too.
She gave her hand and accepted him and bowed down to kiss him......"
and suddenly he opened his eyes.. "Ohh .. shitt!!.. I was dreaming was", all he could say with a blush.
He looked at the watch, it struck 11 am. He had to meet Akanksha at campus restaurant at 12:30......

He quickly unpacked his luggage, and went for a shower. It was 11:30 by now, and He was famished so had to had some breakfast .He was staying at Hall-3, so went there at cafeteria, and had Maggie (his all time favorite). As Akanksha's no. flashed on screen, for the first time his heart skipped a beat. She told that she was on her way and will be there in IIT anytime. Said see u then and then cut the phone. it was 12:10 pm of 18th march, He was sitting under the banyan tree, the one that was near to campus restaurant. She called her again and told him that She had taken a rick-shaw and coming to restaurant, just wait her outside.
He was becoming more and more nervous as Akanksha was expressing herself enthusiastically.He tried respiration, but it did not seem helping. He walked back and forth a bit and then sat again under the same tree, looked up,looked down and then kept looking at the people who were going inside the State bank, that is on the left of that banyan tree, and finally he set his eyes from where he was expecting her. It was 12:20 pm by now. He saw a rick-Shaw coming in his direction. He looked at the girl.. oh, it was a lady.
finally he saw Akanksha.... she was busy taking money out from her purse. She got down and paid the rick-Shaw, looked around, and exactly in front of her was standing Akshat.
A boy of height 5 feet and 4 inches, the same studious face with spects on his nose, a more stylish frame, she observed.Complexion a bit darker than she saw in photo. and hair not that cute and curly as they seemed in photograph.
Akshat too saw his curiosity in person... A girl of 5 feet and 7 inches, bright and beautiful, straight hair (longer than he saw in photo, hair style was also changed), a cute mole on her chin (this he did not notice in photo), she was wearing a dark blue low waist jeans, and a white cut sleeve top.

Coming out of this hypnotism, Akanksha said 'hi', and asked him -"should we go inside", with a smile, that made him realize that he too needed to come out of the dream,
They went inside, but Akanksha was no more enthusiastic, Akshat too was nervous for he could see the glow of her face already dimmed.
Akanksha neither was speaking the same voice as he used to listen over the phone, nor the same words and language as she did.

But still he managed. He kept talking about studies and project, about his event in Tech-kriti etc etc.
They ordered for the lunch. And they had it in a horrible silence with fake smiles.

Akshat could feel the rejection by now, and Akanksha could not stop herself rejecting him ...
as he was nothing what she imagined, what she wanted. She was feeling cheated and He was feeling like a fool.

Finally they came out of restaurant, at bill, Akanksha insisted paying half, her voice was no more sweet.. rather it was bossy. She was commanding the meeting.
She told him that she had to go for shopping with her momma..so she had to leave soon.
He bought her ice-cream. He knew her favorite one.
They walked together with ice cream and each other till IIT Gate.
Akanksha bade a goodbye to him,
he said - nice meeting you, see u again.
She just said - Bye, gave him a final smile, and boarded herself in Tempo (the most popular convince in Kanpur).

It has been a three years to this story, Akanksha blocked Akshat after that meeting, while Akshat still is waiting to see the green signal blinking before her name on g-talk.
He still is waiting for those h-talks... the heart's talk.

The light of Love

They were enrolled in the same branch, his roll no. was 12 and her was 21. Jyoti was a normal looking girl, the Indian beauty, long straight hair, black, big, sharp eyes, the face was beautiful enough to notice and common enough to forget.
Snehil, too was a face next door, a 5 feet and 11 inches smart guy, spects made him look studious.
The story took place in the beautiful mountain series of Aravali, Rajasthan.
R.I.E.T., these were the initials of the college- Rajasthan Engineering Institute of Engineering and Technology.
The ambiance was good, the windows of hostel displayed the scenery of natural beauty.
The campus was small. yet occupied with all facilities.
The story started back in 2002, when in chemistry lab, Jyoti broke up test tube.
and she was so scared that she started trembling and crying, The boys by nature..( to impress actually) helping, Snehil came forward, and consoled her, and they got a narrow escape from the lab- assistant and went directly to the cafeteria.

The things kept going in between. They worked as a group in every project. and it was end-semesters of third semester, when they felt that friendship is turning into something else. 'whats that'.. both of them were afraid of accepting it as Love..... The thought made them doubting themselves.
But the things certainly were changing. The exams were over and it was a five day gap before last practical. The winters were at peak, the wind was hitting like arrows.
Although they used to talk on phone almost everyday, but today the needs were different.. she wanted to talk something else, wanted to know him personally, The sleep was off from eyes, the whole night went in his thoughts.
At the other end also the situation was same from last 3 months. He could not talk Jyoti properly, which ultimately drew her attention.
anyways .. today she called him for the first time, they talked banal and the phone was cut, The urge to talk was not satisfied. These five days turned in the most difficult days of their life. Whole days were gone only in thoughts of each other, dreams, brains, souls all were en captured in the same thoughts, the body felt dumb.

anyways,, the semester ended, The exams went good as both of them were good student. and they were gone home.At home also they could not depart themselves thinking of each other, rather more they thought of coming out of it, more they drowned.
New year when they were back to college, The ambiance was aesthetic but they were lost, They used to talk almost everyday, although both of them thought that 'from today I wont talk, better to stay in friendship only' but ..they could not stop themselves.

finally the valentine day came, a thought' to confess what was there in their heart' swapped .. but the fear of loosing an understanding friend held it back.
and hence the valentine day too went, although both of them came to know by now , that it was love and nothing else, for they cared each other, accepted each other as it is, and both were ready to improve for other.

Anyways it was 14th of march when he called her, and while they were talking banal, he got all the courage needed and said . that Jyoti,, there is something different about us. whats that I am still trying to figure out. Can u help me a bit.
It seemed as if she too was waiting for the same moment, she (like a Don) asked him to see her in evening in the park.

The winters seem to pink this evening, sky was all rainbow. They met in park, it was getting dark, she was looking exceptionally beautiful today, and he became pale.
They get seated on a bench. not knowing what to say. the heartbeats already high.

She said- yes, Snehil ,, say, what u had to.
He said .. No , u called me here..I thought u had to say something.
she said.. well ..I don't have to.

finally he said.." OK! Do u agree that there is something.. something else" ..
she said. yes, agree.
and then he said .. then you will tell what is this something else. she spread the cores of her eyes, and then narrowed back. she got pink with this unexpected proposal and nervousness slowly made her furious.
She said -- No ..I will not.
he said-- yes, you will. you will have to. well you called me here, u seriously have to.
she said ..all right, if I called .. so now i am saying that now let us leave for our hostels. b'bye.
and ah ,, what an attitude.. both of them left, wanted a lot to sit back, but they did not.


but the whole evening went uneasy .. she could not bear waiting- saying and listening those three words ..he also could not, but it was she who called ..and Snehil bounced back to his life.... finally both of them accepted what was there in their heart, brain and soul.

Its 6 years completed to this love story, last months Snehil was in Canada and Jyoti was in United States and Now both of them are finally settled in Bangalore with their jobs.
This 23rd November they are going to marry.

Sh@lini
9 November 2008.

Punarnavaa2008

They met in "Punarnavaa2008", the cultural fest of her college. Deepesh had no idea that when would the unknown quest of his life end, but it did. Diya was wearing a white kurti, blue jeans and her favorite sneakers, and was freaking in campus when both of them saw and immediately recognized each other. he stood up at his place as if wanted to welcome and embrace her, she too parted from her friends as if wanted to be escorted by him to her dream palace. They were classmates till 9th, and then Deepesh went Mumbai because of the transfer of his father.
Diya: hey, hi, although its dumb to say that you have changed a lot in last 7 years but I say. :)
Deepesh: yes, and you grew up beautifully, yet you successfully maintained the divine and decent radiation of your serious face. :) and then he himself could not know what drove him and he asked her- "will you be my Girlfriend"
She was stunned at his audacity and wild courage,and because he did not seem to be joking or kidding, she was taken aback. He looked serious and so was he.
She wanted to slap him on one cheek and on another she wanted to kiss him. finally she laughed and said- "Oh very yes, I was waiting you since long ,my prince charming, where have you been" winked her eyes in order to tell him that he also should wink his, since its a long minute he did not. further she smiled and said- let us talk to know each other more.
How Deepesh managed to smile only(he wanted to laugh) its difficult to say, as he knew she was a bit afraid of his sudden proposal and was impressed with her answer.
but he was different that moment onwards.
Diya definitely was not that beautiful so that one can not move his eyes away from her face, but for him her smile was the best in the world, her complexion was the best to color decency, dignity and strength of character, her myopic eyes were exactly complimentary while communicating his own myopic eyes.
he felt lost in her voice and was feeling like heavens. On the other hand Diya was perplexed, was feeling guilty for nothing she had done.

She said "let us walk to cafeteria and let me treat you". Meanwhile they kept talking, Deepesh told her that now he was in Bangalore, his branch was IT (Diya's was CSE). His elder sister's marriage is after two months, and he studied 9th and 10th in Mumbai and then went to south and did his 11 and 12th there. His C.P.I was 7.5, and he earned his pocket money on his own, No campus placement yet and no Girlfriend as well. He has been aloof to the world since he moved from Delhi. He told that he lives with family, and was not happy,He did not like his father as he stresses him too much for studies although he topped in class 10th boards, His mother and sister keep finding faults in him, once he tried to run away from home, but he returned home after a day, and since then he was just another person in this big world. More rejection made him more aloof, he was busy and lonely in his own world. Yes, He had friends but everyone enjoyed his treats and study-notes, No one was interested in Him.
Diya kept listening with the dexterity of a psychologist and acceptance of a mother, Neither he was nervous, nor aloof anymore. He wanted her to know each and everything. He told that he started smoking when he was in class 12th,but then left it, suffered from long maladies, appendix and jaundice, malaria...... etc etc.

and then they were near cafeteria when he said..."sorry Diya, for what I asked you". Now both of them were quite easy with each other. she smiled and then they laughed together, He kept looking at her face whenever she was not looking at him.

They ordered for sandwich and fruit juice, then Diya told about her life, and each and every word of her was impressing him more than he was expecting, she told almost everything. and as soon as she said ..."Neither campus placement,nor a Boyfriend yet" both of them laughed.

The three days of fest were the best days of their life, Deepesh spoke his heart out, Diya kept correcting him logically as well as spiritually, after three days he was completely healed, He did not have a bad thing for his parents anymore, He learnt to accept and confess in last three days. Being loved and needed was the best experience of his life, Now he felt the world more welcoming, more offering and more loving.
when they parted on third day Diya's face was brightening with satisfaction and Deepesh's was with joy and reception, He was no more afraid of rejection. They finally bade good bye.

To all the readers..

Hi friends
Thanks for ur mails and responses.
Its quite interesting that most of you asked me the same question... :)
That "are these my thoughts only or are they related to my personal life"

So..
These stories and poems are definitely related to my thoughts but not personal life's experience.

All of them are fantasies, specially this monster's lover and the girl's confession.

yes the first line may be quite illusive, but that can be forgiven as my desire of playing heroine (just in case you visualize the description as me :P )


Love to you all!!

Keep enjoying!!

Sh@lini
19 October 2008.

A monster's lover

She was intelligent, calm, mature, tall, golden brown, not much beautiful yet presentable.

He too was tall, handsome and intelligent.

One quality that one never could avoid noticing about,  was her way of talking, referring, usage of myopic eyes while talking, expressive and toned voice. Amazingly the same thing either people liked most or hated (envied) most about her. 

He was a case of confusion. He never could identify whether he loved it or hated.

Repulsion stirred the restlessness which in turn led to attraction.

Attraction of unknown, unknowable, yet both of them dived into the feelings, quite hopeful to be hopeless at last.

In the span of year all the thoughts expanded and contracted, it took exactly one year for girl to derive a conclusion about the boy, as at the last of one year the boy could not help himself showing glimpses of his ugly facet.

Both of them resented the intelligence of each other.

Repulsive outwardly, both of them wanted to reconcile.

Dangled in the thoughts of each other they longed for their buddy. But who will say this!!

"All men are the same" and "It’s difficult to understand a woman"

To each other they became the medium to prove the above sayings right.

To the girl HE was like ‘knowing all men’, and the boy attempted making that girl understandable.

Because both of them were intelligent, logical and argumentative It lead to long discussions, which deliberately converted into altercations, because both of them had high sense of pride, It happened many a times that they stopped talking.

But’ repulsion causes attraction’ and they reconciled again.  To them It was simply impossible to resist each other.
And this process continued a year.

So this was how they went mentally.

Physically both looked as if made for each other. Not a heroic pair they were, yet good enough. They definitely would have wanted each other given such privileges.

Now let us talk their metaphysical chemistry.

Yes, right! This was the actual source of attraction; repulsion was about 'not to accept the attraction'.

Both of them wanted/needed an alter ego.

Both of them were not only alone, but also Lonely at certain level.

They yearned for a selfless lover and were ready to be one.

Frustrated for they yet could not found any, Shy to admit that they are seeing the great possibilities in each other.

The girl was patient by nature while the boy was reactive at rejection.

The girl had her own tastes and preferences, the boy wanted to fulfill them but she thought that she would have to grovel her pride lower to her self respect. (The innocent and fearful side of the girl)

One phone call was sufficient to end all the thoughts cultivated in span of 1 year. But Its enough you see…………… 1 year!! Damn One Year!!

Her phone rang, and after their last altercation four months back, the simple broaching of a relationship, and he spoiled everything.

All men are the same!! The girl thought hopelessly, innocently in terms of true love.

And Its really difficult to understand a girl, the boy realized this after  she denied to recognize his voice and the frustration of boy heightened, which made him say that He was her old lover.

Just a real move to the truth but this was where the boy started loosing all the things remained. The heart which was already lost, yelled on him to speak out everything gently, properly and effectively but the brain tried to control.

Neither the boy could tell the truth, nor could he cover the feelings through the voice.

 Once the girl felt her heart bouncing with joy but who knows what happened to her the next moment. May be she was afraid to move in. But the truth was she just wanted to win over him. She just wanted him to accept that he could not reject her. 

Finally with a devilish smile, the girl decided never to recognize him again.

And this was when He lost himself in the thoughts of girl.

The complete looser, A monster's lover... He really was!!

.....Sh@lini
9th October 2008

Give Back a Fight!!

Call the Life, and hold it tight,
Take your chance, give back a fight.

Draw pleasure out of pain,
Soak the moisture from rain.

Accept the offerings,
World is welcoming.

Time to wish, think, plan,
act and execute.

hug yourself and improve then,
stick to the job, till the diamond shines!!

-Shalini
2 October 2008.

I stop It....

Not much raw not much ripe,
Not stuck in high pride
keep walking ,
I take it in my stride.

Horrendous havoc and hurdles hackle
Glitches do come and I continue to tackle

I maintain my pace ,struggle to be in race.
Few times in my cave, keep sitting grave

I think of me , think of you.
Think of world and I stop it then.

continued....
20 Sept 2008

Entering Next phase..

Time to say farewell and bye
to this phase of life,
entering another
with hope and glorious smile.

couple of years,
like dry leaves they flew away.
lazy, active, joyful and hedonist that i have been,
melancholy generated hope lit up my way.

some luck , chance and
bit of intelligence chose the
long roads I traveled
Squares fascinated a lot.

I wondered for the dimensions
I never went through
now no more afraid of new arrivals
am more welcoming, more receiving.

My time, love and likeness,
heart soul and innocence all tried.
Success or failure, I don't claim,
but I was edified.

entering another phase,
with hope and glorious smile.


with all love
dedicated to the last year( sept-2007 to sept 2008) of my life
Sh@lini
on 12 sept night..

and They parted.

Two pairs of shiny black eyes
gazing in same direction.

two complimentary honey brown palms,
hand in hand.

settled out on hay heaps
basking in sunshine.

legs stretch to full length
lying parallel to each others.

He told him that he was
about to leave for boarding

and she has to be left
both at the age of nine.

fear of being alone
made them sit even closer.

hearts and soul
already overlapped.

one hand on each others neck
both exchanged soft pecks.

eyes shut firmly
unwilling to open.

for threads tightly bound,
feelings made a sound.

sobs rolled down the cheeks
crystal clear on that face honey brown.

They sat till the sun shone
hoping the dawn would never come.

but blue evening covered first
all the thoughts then all the sobs.

They hugged, kissed and
finally parted.

..shalini
10 sept
10:10 pm

A letter to myself

1st of September as the date says,
this is the month when I was born years ago,

The same is the month when I get serious about my studies, and this is the month when last year I did not get serious about studies, its nothing like I blew anything up, but It was when I lost my bit of concentration, got indulged more in friends who later cheated and taught me a lesson of life which I never wanted to learn. and I am afraid I still did not learn that lesson, as I still love friends and friendship and I want to trust them.

The season and environment is quite good and soothing exactly same like every year.

but as the years rolled by a lot has changed, and this lot is contained of - my perception, my life, my aim, my past present and future, my thoughts about myself and the world. Nothing changed in that sense but the perception.

A lot of people are involved in this journey of transformation.

I still am the same innocent girl,the same girl who has penchant and curious of analyzing minor causes which leads to big changes.

The reading and the arguing has blinked a lot inside, which eventually shows outside and creates the stir, the jealous.

My past have been all good memories, which comes around like butterflies and sooth.

but my brains heart and soul are still waiting for a glorious moment I think I am entitled to see. The glory is nothing worldly but it means the success, which I define as the prosperity with peace.

I must be content and peaceful as i travel those untraveled roads of bit different inclination.

Miles to go , and a lot to achieve.

Its not a "have to do" thing. but I want it from the depth of heart, Its only the amount and quality of work which satisfies me the way I want, up to the limits I want, no wonder as I say I don't bound my satisfaction in limits.

The times when I think of myself, not different but I see myself in a and with a different light,

Its me only with whom I can do all research and with myself only I can know this most difficult creature of world..."The human" , the human brain... the psychology and the computers and a lot... all of my interest.
In between I realized it important to have good human relationships.

I have got a few friends and the world's best parents and siblings, and hopefully when the right time will come I will get my soul mate as well.

The life has taught a lot, the failures as well as the success.

There is one thing at what i need to work, and that is "perseverance".

I don't want a momentary success, but the peace of life to be consistence and if not constant ..only little variations.

There are few of my secret dreams, which will come true as I will get money and support from people.

Working, managing and keeping the people happy is a great challenge when you decide to work the way you want.

well.... still there is a lot to see, a lot to learn, and a lot to earn ... as the world has a lot to offer to everyone of us.

All we need is to just grab it!!

with all love and regards

keep basking in life!
--
Sh@lini.....

As the river flows

I go blank as the soothing breeze blows
mingle with the nature as the river flows.

I keep sitting while my soul walks,
walks through the roads of sky and stars;
The roads smell good, they seem long,
Standing, wondering where do I belong!

I wallow in past and plan my future,
I be lazy and work sometime like amateur;
I come across both, air and fire,
Ruby, diamond, topaz and sapphire!

my soul walks and reaches to you,
with 'you' I don't mean YOU..;
my love, my mate, the best thing of my life,
I mean my alter ego!

I stretch my arms, with the closeness I feel,
I look lovingly as my thoughts all smitten with zeal;
zeal of getting and being abut you,
No callow feelings we are soul fellows!

I go blank as the soothing breeze blows,
mingle with the nature as the river flows!!


...shalini
18 aug 2008

I dont wait

I don't wait ,
am walking to meet him.
walking the roads, walking the thoughts,
growing myself up to greet him.

Eyes bright with imagination,
heart satisfied with decision.
nature is my guide, I keep walking
thinking the ways to treat him.

Nights and days,
In my learning phase.

like a drunk lover, my intentions straight.
I am gonna sneak him.

The Girl's confession

I guess.... these are the final words you are having from me...but I am not sure If these really are final..... Cause I am neither forcing my self to forget u nor I want to.
Any ways..... I wont suggest you to start this relationship again ... Cause I was happy the way you started once and came along....at the place where you found me more or less otiose to share urself....
whatever u think,whatever u want really matters to me much.... and I dunno till when it will keep mattering ...
All I wanted to continue our relationship...even after my big mistakes whatever you found out and would love to carry on even after the mistakes you will find in future cause I really am bad.
But since I respect your feelings as a person also .... (and If I would be anybody else Instead of the one.... with whom you talked sweet and infact the way others did not, )
so will be happy seeing you happy ...go the way whichever you like ..... because you think the ways are different ...... Thats also fine with me....
but u can not stop me thinking my way ....and let me clear that I am not thinking to get u back or starting fresh ...
Continuing things with the committment and not to make such mistakes again is all i want...

I dont want to forget you....coz i liked you but I can not promise that i will keep remembering you. This was a good experience to share me with u at a better level. I really wont lie here ....but I thought that you will be always there but coz U really do not care ....again its fine .... I too have family and friends and moreover Me myself with better experiences of my life to go on , to carry on. I am neither requesting you to be back and hold my thoughts again ... nor will be praying God that make me reach to you..
If you will be my destiny in future.....you have to move back ...and let me be your fellow traveler...
and if not then also you have to move back and .....u have to give me the way to be forward to you....coz i always see forward...and thats why i am seeing u right now .. but after that I wont be seeing you.
Initially I thought we were travelling on the paths those were different and met by chance
Now I see Those were parallel
but If you dont want to see.... again i will be happy coz ....I accepeted you as it is, whatever u were , are , and will be. I simply dont want any change but the improvements ....as in you and also am ready and willing to make them in me .
So thats all....
I wrote whatever I felt .... just to let u know ....that I know how to struggle and how to win.... and i also want to remind u that once I won you,,,, so now here is no point to lose you.

with love and kiss on your forehead---
The Girl

Life made me perfect!!

Days and nights were lonely when you left
All the illusions vanished and I wept
Everybody left when I was bereft
I learnt a lot, life made me perfect.

The promises you did and I kept
Those times what I wasted with you were best
But now I won’t trust anyone, and I won’t expect
I am no callow creature, Things really do affect.

I learnt a lot, Life made me perfect……

-Shalini….
19 February 2008

Aie Zindagie

chal mere sang kuchh is tarah ki
apna safar bhi ban jaye kahani
mar na jaon kahin tujhse milne se pahle
ai mohabbat mujhe bakhsh de zindagani

vo na aye kabhi jinhe aana na tha
sisakti rahi dil ki haweli veerani
thahara na rah jaun kahin unke intezar mein
sang le chal mujhe zindagi ki rawani

-sajal (shalini)
8 june 2008

Things Change......

Things change, when it comes to you…

Spaces and distances, in my case really matter

What I will feel, I always see it latter…

I really never bothered about anybody else….

But things change when it comes to you

I listened carefully, whatever you said

Sometimes those things pop up in my mind uninvited

I really hardly care about what people say

But things change when it comes to you.

I was afraid of mischief, I was afraid of deception

I also loved love, but I was afraid of hatred

Always think, I am not the way people expect

But things change when it comes to you.

Time changed gradually from competition, to completion

From completion to celebration…

From our callow thoughts to devotion

And here comes time to say farewell and bye

But things change, when it comes to you

I never owe God anything beside my family

But things change, when it comes to you.

shalini...
18 september 2008
(Deepika's b'day)

I am .....

A lot of dreams in myopic eyes,
and a lanky figure to struggle.
working there passionately,
where life uses to puzzle.

Neither excited with pleasures,
nor dull with pains.
soul loves peace
black pearls cool as rain.

truthful, naive, straight forward at tongue....
conclude that I am a complete idiot..

The UpperCrust!!

Hard and tough in my case
Impatient was the diamond base
Teary heart and cheeks wet
Far alone from the destination yet

warrior born when baby died of inside
No one knew upper crust was best hide
Pleasure alleviated the pains
Eyes still and so were brains

Efforts blossomed as warrior learned and alert
and the diamond out to shine the world
Shone with full spark and grace
Naivity showed no trace

People loved it for the emitted rainbows
More emission more satisfaction flowed
Pleasure kept coming the way ,
To make 'I' happy and gay
but then....

The worldlier it became it lost its treasure
No comparison of baby's joy to warrior's pleasure
No more truths no more innocence
it misses a lot upper crust's absence...

shalini
28 april 2008

The people and their motivations

This article I am going to write is completely fictitious and all is my imagination and maps to my mind only. It has nothing to do with others thinking about the topic and it just is written to satisfy the inner frustration and survey done due to curiosity on the handful people I met in my life somehow.

The people are the reflection or the consequences of whatever happened in their past and what do they think about their future. The deeds done by them are motivated from their priorities. And these priorities again map their past and one can not help it. It’s really difficult to think like other person, and it gives real pleasure to play individual. Power attracts everybody, even to the people who don’t know how to lead and are quite depressed about themselves.

But in my view people who keep tracking the different ways to get above and gain power are the real participants of human race, and they in general are seen doing better to others. Few people are motivated from their real inside; most of them I have seen and surveyed get influenced from other’s stories that they don’t want their story to be different, as we all have read somewhere that human is a social animal and he really is, and not having much desire of being different from others shows the same. I always felt one thing that who se ever took the lead in whole the scenario was always motivated to do the same things differently, here people want their role model, In fact we all do and should must have as it gives a path to go on, a manner to act like.

But if we talk about the people who achieved huge success were quite different from the others who worked under them, followed them exactly but never reached to same heights as they did, that means creativity counts and initiation take a hold on your success. So what differed in the ones who got ahead of us, what ever I surveyed and find out is their desire to keep working and satisfying them to the fullest. For the people whom I am mapping with what I am writing, I saw the continuity and devotion and large commitments to their work.

And they get in to a habit of winning and the most adventurous thing is that this thing developed unknowingly

So my final conclusion is for the way of living life is …

One must have a purpose of life and if one have not found that purpose yet he or she must cogitate and must get to know and then according to desire and will to complete that task one must enjoy doing that and I can assure that then he/she will find him/her self doing that work excellently.

-Shalini

17feb.2008

young and blank

A new phase, a new way, a new perception interrupted the life when it was going young and naive.
One never wanted to learn but life was determined to teach the hard lessons.
Lessons were necessary to learn in order to face, and win the world..... and so this young man was taking interest,
Many a times it tries to find out the purpose of his life, he thinks, he refuses so many answers coz none is satisfying him.
.......................... Not now but soon i will complete thi9s blog.

Influences......

On e-world How softly, easily people get open up,and Its really amazing to check them out.
Although most of the time people know this is a world of 1 and 0s only, but there are times when emotions and influences starts driving u in a new world , It seems euphorial. It drives you crazy at times, even energize you at times. But simultaneously it drain out your energies, you keep floating and sinking in thoughts of the one who influenced you. you keep imagining & figuring out that person. and at some extend they succeed. and the very time you realize the real world responsibilities and worries... you immediately have to come out of that world running parallel, you say a 'shit' and go back to your work again ,,,with a drained smile on your foolish face... :)