कश्मकश

हाँ, ज़िन्दगी संघर्ष तो नहीं है, लेकिन कश्मकश ज़रूर है !
आख़िरकार हम इंसान हैं, सिर्फ पेट भर जाए, इतने से काम नहीं न चलता है हमारा !
कुछ और चाहिए ही रहता है, कितना भी कुछ मिल जाए !
ज़िंदा रहना भर नहीं है न, जीने का भी कार्यक्रम बनाना ही रहता है !
ऐसा नहीं है कि हम मन के गुलाम हैं, कई बार मन को मारा है!
ऐसा भी नहीं है कि स्वार्थी हैं हम, कई बार अपने को भूल कर दूसरे की भलाई की है हमने !
ऐसा भी नहीं है कि बहुत लालची ही हैं हम, कई बार अपने उसूलों के लिए समझौता नहीं किया है हमने !
हाँ पर एक बात है, कोई हमें कुछ कम समझे, कोई हमें भाव न दे, ये बर्दाश्त नहीं होता !
अन्याय कहते हैं क्या इसे ? हाँ तो बस फिर यही अच्छा नहीं लगता हमें !
सारे दुःख की जड़ है ये, यहीं से शुरुआत होती है हर कहानी की !
जहाँ सब ठीक है, वहां कहानियाँ कहाँ बनती हैं भला !
सत्य की, ठीक की कोई कहानी नहीं होती है, वो तो अपेक्षित ही होता है न... हमेशा, सबसे !
न्याय की कोई बात ही नहीं करता, सारा रस संघर्ष का है, बदले का है !
उसी की कहानियाँ  और कथाएं !
कभी कभी तो ऐसा लगने लगता है कि जीवन सहज नहीं हो सकता !
इस दुनिया में संघर्ष या फिर समझौता दोनों में से किसी एक दिशा में तो बह ही जाती है जीवन की नदी !
और ऊँची नीची पहाड़ियों घाटियों से होते हुए एक दिन आँखें मीच लेती है, एक अबूझे रहस्यमय समुद्र में मिल जाती है !
पर हमारे पास तर्क है, धर्म है, राज्य आदि सब है , जीवन को सरल बनाने को !
तो हम बनाते रहते हैं उसूल, भजन और कानून !
अपनी मान्यताओं को लेकर जीते रहते हैं, साहस भी नहीं होता उन्हें छोड़ पाने का !
आखिर उनके ही कारण तो जीवन में कुछ आकार है, हम कुछ हैं ये आभास है !
और फिर छोड़ भी दें तो पकड़ेंगे क्या
कोई छाती ठोंक के ये भी तो नहीं कहता, आओ मैं हूँ, निश्चिन्त होकर एक क्षण मेरी गोद में सर रखकर बेख़ौफ़ सो जाओ !
तुम रहोगे, सोने के बाद भी !
कोई जीने का आश्वासन भी नहीं देता, कोई नहीं कहता कि कोई जी भी सकता है !
सब मरने की बातें सुनाते हैं, मरने के बाद का बीमा कराते हैं !
कल्पना को रंगते हैं सात रंगों से , और एक इंद्रधनुष बनाते हैं !
हम बहुत डरते हैं जीने से, क्योंकि उसके बाद तो मरना पड़ेगा न ,
जिन्दा रहे, जिए नहीं तो फिर भी पुनर्जन्म का विश्वास रहता है !

The men need to be more feminine.

There is no doubt that upper middle class Indian society is going through many changes, one of which has enabled girls of this era to think, earn and opine themselves.
In past decade, a fair amount of girls have gotten into career oriented jobs, learned technology and fashion, since they have been catered and pampered by the parents in hope of a better future.
While I was busy studying hard, motivated to hit a mark, despite of my technical education I learned to cook and clean a house, which was mainly by watching my mother.
I fell in love and despite of hearing the horror stories of in laws, I dared hoping for I trusted my good nature so much that I will be totally accepted and loved exactly the same way as in my very own home. latter never came true.
Now I feel that I married in a whim, fancied a lot but I don't complain much since I didn't have much choice either.
In laws behaved as if I was from a different planet, too scared of my ideas and way of being. Very soon I felt that I was smarter than the sisters and mother of my husband, sooner than later I also discovered that I was even smarter than my husband and his father.
In good faith, just like I would suggest a business decision to my father, I would suggest him too, which he would find hard to accept, clearly he had never been with smart women.
He was used to of treating women as less, and hurt as I was soon I left their business and started my own venture, I was convincing enough to my husband and he too left it. In two years time, as Me and my husband started growing in our job and venture, my mother in law died , my father in law went bankrupt and my sister in laws didn't want to come out of their ego castles, and they lost all their beauty gaining so much fat, accumulating all possible diseases, since they had never treated me well, they didn't have a right to be rightfully asking for any help, though sometimes I would help them out of kindness.
But I know for sure, they would have wanted more. Through such activities I realized that they were not only dumb, they were equally thank less fellows.

The upbringing my mother in law had given to her family was clearly not enough, everything had broken and I could see.
They were a rich family and they thought its gonna remain the same.

In last six years many of my friends got married, and most of them reside alone, they too go to work and are earning as much as their husbands and are in fact sometimes more than them.

Trust is when we are sure that someone would try a little more than his or her competence to make me happy.
When I wake up before my husband to prepare his breakfast and help him get ready for work, I know and he knows he is being pampered, he leaves for office  just like a school kid with the tiffin packed and in well ironed clothes.

later when he comes back the lunch is served on the table and we relish, then is my time to rest and I have to take classes in the evening.
Now as my husband's day is over he spends this time surfing or watching porn, while I had to take my evening classes and prepare the dinner.

It's not that I haven't asked him lovingly to help me. But there is a basic desire missing to help me grow, he doesn't want to learn about me, and he is too busy in his own world.

My complaints are all baseless, even offering me a glass of water is too tough for him, He doesn't want to be disturbed. The only way that's left to me is focus on myself, much in the same way like once I left his family to ruin itself, I can see him being ruined.

Either I will have to be totally responsible and run the household, feeding while I remain hungry in hope that someday the person might change, or I will just have to leave the dream of a fulfilling relationship.

I healed my Thyroid

It was January 2016, I was running a high fever for last eight days, and had a subtle pain in my throat. I thought it was tonsils so I had restricted myself to hot food and water and hoped to heal, but I didn't.
My father was to visit me, my husband was also worried, but I believed that it will heal automatically, I totally detested allopathic medicine, I was working on myself with variety of Tulsi and kitchen herbs' concoction. None was working.
I just used to muster some courage and energy to get up and take class of my students in the evening, mainly because It made me feel better, I loved to teach, learn and laugh with them.
Finally on 17th January I gave up, and decided to seek help from a doctor, I was detected with a severe thyroid issue, My doctor gave me medicines, which I took religiously and hoped to get rid of them as quickly as possible, after 30 days of taking medicine everyday, when I visited my doctor, he told me I am supposed to continue the medicine for few more months. I asked him, "how many  ?"
He said it depends, I asked, "will I be cured ?" He replied, "Might be, Usually people have to take the medicine life long."
My heart was broken and I felt angry. I wanted to tell the doctor, "If you are not sure of curing me , then what and why are you prescribing me more medicines."
Anyways, my husband bought me a bottle of pills which costed us nearly 600 Rs. It was supposed to last for a month or so.
I was heavily disappointed. Being an Engineer and less social person I had never known what thyroid disorder was. So I googled. My friend and family told me that I would be Ok, and its not a big deal to take a medicine every day, millions of people do it, but I was not convinced.
As a matter of fact all of a sudden I started to discover that almost all of my friends had such disorders in their families, the mothers of my students and also my own mother had that and was taking a pill for that.

No matter how much I tried It remained totally unacceptable to me to be sick for lifetime. So I started my serious research, for the first time in my life I realized the power of internet.
I had gone through each and every link and hyperlinks contained in the pages, every possible you tube video about it.

and Finally came with my own dosage, exercises and lifestyle changes in order to fix myself.
and once I got mentally ready to heal myself, which was on 26th February 2016, I simply stopped taking pills.
Starting fifteen days were trying, as I started to feel tired and feverish once again, but I didn't give up. Audios by Rajiv Dixit helped me to have courage to go through ayurveda.
I never went to the same doctor again, after two months I decided to go to an ayurveda doctor, to my surprise when I told her that I had stopped taking medicine on my own, she scolded me, said that, "Why do you think that you are a doctor?"
and when I asked her," are there any medicines available in ayurveda to cure my condition ?", She said, "yes, but you will have to take it parallel with allopathic."
at the end of our conversation, she wrote a thyroid test and asked me to see her with reports and then only she will prescribe.

Next day When I got my reports My joy knew no bound. I was so happy.
I took it to the doctor, she was surprised and asked me what did I do to heal myself. I said, "Nothing much."

But to you my friends I am listing the things I had done :

1. I switched from Triple refined Sunflower oil, to Filtered Organic Peanut Oil.
2. I ground coriander leaves and had five spoons of that chutney for ten days.
3. I chanted Om for about 15 minutes in the morning, stretched and exercised.
4. I kept a green transparent water filled bottle in the sun early morning, took it inside in the evening and had that water first thing in the morning next day.
5. I ate properly.

Conclusion : I personally think that I healed myself within 15 days, because all the symptoms were gone in that time, though I got checked myself after two months.
Now I think that, it was a blessing in disguise, It has initiated my quest to understand my body, mind and soul. Since then I have learned various types of therapies be it Ayurveda, Reiki, Paidalajin, Pranayam etc.
and I practice all of these therapies and techniques to my health every single day.
I believe we are all born with healing abilities, all we need to do is awaken or access that program, and Information plays a big role in that.