Ego is the killer of life, love, nature, God...just everything that makes your life 'live'.
Shastras, Gurus, , parents preach to eradicate it.
But like elephant's tusks which are just for show off , not to chew.
Similarly todays society, role models, our parents don't preach to practice. Simple and straight I have been noticing the kids who are being raised embedding ego as their self respect.
What??Its dangerous.
Today in India, the daughter group who are gonna be mothers of the first born child to them (age group 25-30) yeah,These are those group of woman who have been counted in their family, very well educated , a group of daughters, whose mothers were not that highly educated but very potent learners, and these mothers have set their mind set to put all the weapons of a winner in the arsenal of their daughters. and hence many of these girls have been performing better than an average boy in the school, they have been sent to university where they have got a graduate degree or master degree in management, tehnology or some other subjects, but these degrees are being sold in the international market like hot cake. Their payments are high, They are performing very well, they are reaching to their full potential, and they are getting the best proposals possible, but still incapable of being in love with someone. They are looking for God, for they are being goddesses, who don't forget and forgive. They are the achievers. They are achieving more than their boy friends, husbands, x-husbands, and the eligible propsing men.
Their self respect has gone higher than Man's ego.
These woman are truly becoming incapable of falling in love with men. for they have never fallen in love with their father, since their mother was a very capable woman, a fast learner, flexible, beautiful, more understanding their fathers, in many a cases more educated than their fathers, but has been kept as house-wife, never let go out to work and earn.
This is the era, when I am seeing men are being woman and woman being men, many men are going outside to earn, if not another country then another state, where they are cooking for themselves, washing their clothes, and shopping for themselves.
Men are becoming more pateint and woman being more expressive, I should rather say they are becoming more agressive.
The 'to be mothers' are very uncomfortable with their bodies, but still they pretend as if they are not. and they rather cover the uncomfort with more and more make up.
Policies at work don't give leave to women during their menstrual cycles.
They also dont mind, as they have been attending the classes in those tough days.
and I have noticed the woman of the same age group fearing to bear a child, they can't survive without a maid to keep the house.
Its not that they cant keep the house neat and clean, or they dont know how to keep it that way. Its just that they like to be served, they dont want to keep themselves in more pain than they have been gifted by nature for two-three days.
My observations are rarely wrong. I have found out a pattern, that the woman who don't touch any work during their menstral cycles, they are less fearful to bear a child and very active in house hold works, they have least desire to be served.
In sort I am gonna apply this policy of giving women leave during their first two days of monthly cycles. I will post the results.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Puminant
Phase of Rumination
Have you noticed a cow sitting peacefully chewing the cud during the wind blows!
Here is wikipedia definition for rumination.
Physiologically, a ruminant is a mammal of the order Artiodactyla that digests plant-based food by initially softening it within the animal's first stomach, then regurgitating the semi-digested mass, now known as cud, and chewing it again. The process of rechewing the cud to further break down plant matter and stimulate digestion is called "ruminating".
Education is also like food, when we are in this process we are incapable of digesting the whole lessons. But in order to pass the exams, we make sure that we keep it nicely in our conscious mind.The things which are kept in conscious mind but not learnt thoroughly come again to us through the lesson of life, and we chew the cud hence, this time it goes and sits in our subconscious minds, and finally we get the best out of it, and finally it goes to our unconscious mind, ultimately becomes your very nature, your personality.
I think I am going through this phase of my life.
I had read many poems, many moral stories, many things about physics, chemistry and Maths, but never cared about their deep meaning. Now the same moral of the stories I am learning, same gist of poems I am learning by my heart, which once I have mugged up and kept in my mind.
I thank my mom that at least I have mugged up and kept the things in my conscious.
Have you noticed a cow sitting peacefully chewing the cud during the wind blows!
Here is wikipedia definition for rumination.
Physiologically, a ruminant is a mammal of the order Artiodactyla that digests plant-based food by initially softening it within the animal's first stomach, then regurgitating the semi-digested mass, now known as cud, and chewing it again. The process of rechewing the cud to further break down plant matter and stimulate digestion is called "ruminating".
Education is also like food, when we are in this process we are incapable of digesting the whole lessons. But in order to pass the exams, we make sure that we keep it nicely in our conscious mind.The things which are kept in conscious mind but not learnt thoroughly come again to us through the lesson of life, and we chew the cud hence, this time it goes and sits in our subconscious minds, and finally we get the best out of it, and finally it goes to our unconscious mind, ultimately becomes your very nature, your personality.
I think I am going through this phase of my life.
I had read many poems, many moral stories, many things about physics, chemistry and Maths, but never cared about their deep meaning. Now the same moral of the stories I am learning, same gist of poems I am learning by my heart, which once I have mugged up and kept in my mind.
I thank my mom that at least I have mugged up and kept the things in my conscious.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
तुम्हें नूतन पथ रचना होगा!!
वक़्त है कम लम्बी मंजिल,
तुम्हें तेज कदम चलना होगा!
हे परम तपस्या के पथिकों,
तुम्हें नूतन पथ रचना होगा!!
जीवन के इस समरांगन में,
विजयी बनना अस्सं नहीं,
है साध्य किन्तु कुछ पल होंगे,
जिनका पहले से ज्ञान नहीं,
हो सफल तपस्या इसके हित,
प्रभु पलकों पे पलना होगा!!
हे परम तपस्या के पथिकों,
तुम्हें नूतन पथ रचना होगा!!
आनंद की अनमोल घड़ी,
कौड़ी के भाव न बिक जाये,
चलती सांसें अज्ञात मोड़ पर,
आकर के ना रुक जायें,
अनजान क्षितिज के कोने में,
वितान नया बुनना होगा!!
हे परम तपस्या के पथिकों,
तुम्हें नूतन पथ रचना होगा!!
तुम्हें तेज कदम चलना होगा!
हे परम तपस्या के पथिकों,
तुम्हें नूतन पथ रचना होगा!!
जीवन के इस समरांगन में,
विजयी बनना अस्सं नहीं,
है साध्य किन्तु कुछ पल होंगे,
जिनका पहले से ज्ञान नहीं,
हो सफल तपस्या इसके हित,
प्रभु पलकों पे पलना होगा!!
हे परम तपस्या के पथिकों,
तुम्हें नूतन पथ रचना होगा!!
आनंद की अनमोल घड़ी,
कौड़ी के भाव न बिक जाये,
चलती सांसें अज्ञात मोड़ पर,
आकर के ना रुक जायें,
अनजान क्षितिज के कोने में,
वितान नया बुनना होगा!!
हे परम तपस्या के पथिकों,
तुम्हें नूतन पथ रचना होगा!!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Air Castles
I am not sure but I think it must be happening to many people around. It seems natural, that loosing focus when you are madly in love with someone. happened to you too??
I was sitting by the side of likoni beach here in kenya, the rhythm yet tranquil wind made me think the same.
The course/process of love is not an easy thing to go through.
It demands energies, all kind of. It demands your time. just all of it.
Balancing is the next chapter then.
I took a time of 1.5 years to reach to this chapter,in the phase of just reading the introduction of it.
It seems its a big chapter, will take some time to learn.
to learn this chapter I will have to keep revising the chapters of patience and unconditional love.
I have learned that if you can keep your love unconditional successfully, it solves your half of the problems, resolves many complicated conflicts. hence its worth learning it.
Maths is a tough subject, One should practice it on pen and paper to learn it, as claimed by teachers. There are no labs in any school where we can do practical to learn it. and hence many girls in India and in every other country feel uneasy with this subject, and leave it early.
but if noticed thoroughly Maths is the most practical subject. and most developed as well.
I was sitting by the side of likoni beach here in kenya, the rhythm yet tranquil wind made me think the same.
The course/process of love is not an easy thing to go through.
It demands energies, all kind of. It demands your time. just all of it.
Balancing is the next chapter then.
I took a time of 1.5 years to reach to this chapter,in the phase of just reading the introduction of it.
It seems its a big chapter, will take some time to learn.
to learn this chapter I will have to keep revising the chapters of patience and unconditional love.
I have learned that if you can keep your love unconditional successfully, it solves your half of the problems, resolves many complicated conflicts. hence its worth learning it.
Maths is a tough subject, One should practice it on pen and paper to learn it, as claimed by teachers. There are no labs in any school where we can do practical to learn it. and hence many girls in India and in every other country feel uneasy with this subject, and leave it early.
but if noticed thoroughly Maths is the most practical subject. and most developed as well.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
"Khudi ko kar buland itna, ke har takdeer se pehlay
Khuda bande se khud puche, bata teri raza kiya hai. "
Lakshya na ojhal hone paye kadam mila kar chal,
safalta tere kadam choomegie aaj nahi to kal.
sadhana ka path hai lamba,
aur manzil bahut door,
kar buland apne iraade,
mushkilon ko kar de choor choor
bana sitaron ki pagdandi,
tujhe chand tak jana hai
aur wahan ki banzar dharti,
par ek baag lagana hai
dhikkar sada us yauwan ko
slath shant pada jo sota hai
bekar lahu wah hai jisme
kinchit garmi ka naam nahi
naahaq janma wah jeewan jo
aaya mata ke kaam nahi
kathni karni ka bhed mita
tum bano agni jaise prachand
hon naash tumhari kulshayein,
lipsayein hon sab khand khand
koshishein karti rahoongi, khud ko bachane ki
mujhko meri zindagi ka qatil nahi banna
dhank dein jise samandar ki lahrein ek hi pal mein
wo rate ka sahra, wo sahil nahi banna
Khuda bande se khud puche, bata teri raza kiya hai. "
Lakshya na ojhal hone paye kadam mila kar chal,
safalta tere kadam choomegie aaj nahi to kal.
sadhana ka path hai lamba,
aur manzil bahut door,
kar buland apne iraade,
mushkilon ko kar de choor choor
bana sitaron ki pagdandi,
tujhe chand tak jana hai
aur wahan ki banzar dharti,
par ek baag lagana hai
dhikkar sada us yauwan ko
slath shant pada jo sota hai
bekar lahu wah hai jisme
kinchit garmi ka naam nahi
naahaq janma wah jeewan jo
aaya mata ke kaam nahi
kathni karni ka bhed mita
tum bano agni jaise prachand
hon naash tumhari kulshayein,
lipsayein hon sab khand khand
koshishein karti rahoongi, khud ko bachane ki
mujhko meri zindagi ka qatil nahi banna
dhank dein jise samandar ki lahrein ek hi pal mein
wo rate ka sahra, wo sahil nahi banna
An Unfortunate Truth
New Note 4
My Discoveries amaze me... all the time.
I am not a scientist, I am not a scholar, not even a writer, I am rather a simple observer.
and two years ago in Bangalore, a rainy morning as the people dressed in traditionally sophisticated attires (though their discomfort was mutely visible) were passing by my eyes, it struck to me that we are driven by traditions, not by culture.
There are many many sub branches of any religion all over the world, and above all, trillions of families out there have traditions of their own, which are either meaning less or have lost their meanings.
The point is our new generation is smart, they are capable of flying, flying high...but they are equally prone to be lost in their flights. Reason is they are not Grounded.
They follow their traditions unwillingly as they do not have a valid reason to deny those traditions in lack of understanding the deep meaning of any ritual they perform.
at times when I see a marriage happening, I feel pity for each of us as the priest still continues in vedic language, which is Sanskrit, what's rarely and hardly being understood by both groom and the bride and god forgive I notice the small but deadly mistakes in the pronunciation of those mantras by priests (sometimes It really makes the meaning opposite).
I don't understand many religions, traditions and cultures, but bit of Hinduism, and Indian culture.
One sweet good thing happened in my adolescence, no matter how difficult I found Sanskrit in starting, My father literally forcibly convinced me to learn it.
and hence I can feel the delusion of young men and women of my age.
Notice this little thing a bride either bears a very sexy smile or crying too much while wedding, what a priest says is none of their business. No offense.
The oaths are not being taken in the language you understand? and even if they are, how many people still remember them? :-) forget the willingness to keep them.
another thing that makes me worried that in India the important decisions are either taken by children or by too old people.
for example - whom should the grandson will marry, is decided by the totalitarian grand ma, It makes sense too as she is the key to all the property one has.
and which fridge or car should be bought, what should be consumed at home, where to go on Holidays, even which life insurance policy is to be bought... almost everything is being decided by children.
where are the adults, where are they busy?
or I should rather ask Do we really have adults?
-- till next time!
Shalini
13 april 2011
My Discoveries amaze me... all the time.
I am not a scientist, I am not a scholar, not even a writer, I am rather a simple observer.
and two years ago in Bangalore, a rainy morning as the people dressed in traditionally sophisticated attires (though their discomfort was mutely visible) were passing by my eyes, it struck to me that we are driven by traditions, not by culture.
There are many many sub branches of any religion all over the world, and above all, trillions of families out there have traditions of their own, which are either meaning less or have lost their meanings.
The point is our new generation is smart, they are capable of flying, flying high...but they are equally prone to be lost in their flights. Reason is they are not Grounded.
They follow their traditions unwillingly as they do not have a valid reason to deny those traditions in lack of understanding the deep meaning of any ritual they perform.
at times when I see a marriage happening, I feel pity for each of us as the priest still continues in vedic language, which is Sanskrit, what's rarely and hardly being understood by both groom and the bride and god forgive I notice the small but deadly mistakes in the pronunciation of those mantras by priests (sometimes It really makes the meaning opposite).
I don't understand many religions, traditions and cultures, but bit of Hinduism, and Indian culture.
One sweet good thing happened in my adolescence, no matter how difficult I found Sanskrit in starting, My father literally forcibly convinced me to learn it.
and hence I can feel the delusion of young men and women of my age.
Notice this little thing a bride either bears a very sexy smile or crying too much while wedding, what a priest says is none of their business. No offense.
The oaths are not being taken in the language you understand? and even if they are, how many people still remember them? :-) forget the willingness to keep them.
another thing that makes me worried that in India the important decisions are either taken by children or by too old people.
for example - whom should the grandson will marry, is decided by the totalitarian grand ma, It makes sense too as she is the key to all the property one has.
and which fridge or car should be bought, what should be consumed at home, where to go on Holidays, even which life insurance policy is to be bought... almost everything is being decided by children.
where are the adults, where are they busy?
or I should rather ask Do we really have adults?
-- till next time!
Shalini
13 april 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Farming ? Business? or Service?
I and Janak were having a conversation, and he quoted one shloka from our Sanskrit literature which meant that Farming and cattle keeping is the first grade job, second comes business of your own, and at third level comes service.
It also categorize that people with various amount of intelligence should choose their profession accordingly.
Ha hant! (what a pity!)
I was smiling over this comment as I was realizing that exact opposite is happening here.
People who are most learned and most capable of learning they are all going to Jobs, B.Techs and MCA this category of learners I felt are specifically young and adaptive.
They are into services. Have become the 'dukan ka chhotu' kind of guys, where they just are repeating a well defined job everyday.
A chhotu sitting in comfortable office chair, opens his gmail first, then facebook account, some novice are also active on orkut, does some repetitive task, goes to have coffee, then ... a series of tasks everyday.
Then comes MBA guys, Clerks of the shop, run the front business nicely.
all chhotus and clerks aspire to work for better owners, owners who believe in either evolution (Google/ IBM / Adobe) or revolution (Yahoo / Microsoft/ ..... etc).
They work hard, even harder and the only purpose of their life becomes to be a recognized chhotu.
chhotus grow, they marry, then they make sure that they don't have babies for years at least till they are not very well settled in their jobs, or don't achieve a at least some of their particular dreams.
Many of them (specially women) start keeping a pet, loving them as their sons and daughters, and continue growing as superior chhotus, more beautiful chhotus, hottest chhotu in the shop.
Many experience that the basic needs of their life (Not Roti Kapda and Makan but) will be served by the shops.
I feel a man draws pleasure only out of three things , so do the women of today.
1. food
2. Sex
3. Killing (Competition, Teasing and Tearing someone apart, Humiliation, Killing the real being inside some one)
Chhotus experience that all these desires will be fulfilled at various promotion levels in their shop itself.
Moreover some Clerks in some shops have a policy that they give a lot of benefits if one chhotu marries within the well (firm)
......... till next time.
Shalini
10 march 2011
It also categorize that people with various amount of intelligence should choose their profession accordingly.
Ha hant! (what a pity!)
I was smiling over this comment as I was realizing that exact opposite is happening here.
People who are most learned and most capable of learning they are all going to Jobs, B.Techs and MCA this category of learners I felt are specifically young and adaptive.
They are into services. Have become the 'dukan ka chhotu' kind of guys, where they just are repeating a well defined job everyday.
A chhotu sitting in comfortable office chair, opens his gmail first, then facebook account, some novice are also active on orkut, does some repetitive task, goes to have coffee, then ... a series of tasks everyday.
Then comes MBA guys, Clerks of the shop, run the front business nicely.
all chhotus and clerks aspire to work for better owners, owners who believe in either evolution (Google/ IBM / Adobe) or revolution (Yahoo / Microsoft/ ..... etc).
They work hard, even harder and the only purpose of their life becomes to be a recognized chhotu.
chhotus grow, they marry, then they make sure that they don't have babies for years at least till they are not very well settled in their jobs, or don't achieve a at least some of their particular dreams.
Many of them (specially women) start keeping a pet, loving them as their sons and daughters, and continue growing as superior chhotus, more beautiful chhotus, hottest chhotu in the shop.
Many experience that the basic needs of their life (Not Roti Kapda and Makan but) will be served by the shops.
I feel a man draws pleasure only out of three things , so do the women of today.
1. food
2. Sex
3. Killing (Competition, Teasing and Tearing someone apart, Humiliation, Killing the real being inside some one)
Chhotus experience that all these desires will be fulfilled at various promotion levels in their shop itself.
Moreover some Clerks in some shops have a policy that they give a lot of benefits if one chhotu marries within the well (firm)
......... till next time.
Shalini
10 march 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Happy Women's day
तुम सब कुछ हो फूल लहर तितली विहगी मार्जारी,
आधुनिके तुम नहि अगर कुछ हो तो केवल नारी!
I would pat myself to have such a strong memory, I prepared the best quotes for writing essays related to woman, it is a hot topic for essay writing still .. I believe.
I remember how I convinced one of my friend that woman should not study or at least they should not work (why carry double responsibilities ?) (I feel it very sexy convincing someone about something I even don't believe myself.)
In my school time I always debated against my point of view, and won also .. (second prize many times...) I realized my capabilities very late.. and school was about to over then.
I demand a lot from nature and to all my awe and wonder I accept it also .. with twisted eye brows and open heart.
lately since last two years I demanded from the nature that I don't really want to wait, I want to walk, and I walked, in solitude and with struggle within the self.
I have fought myself more than any one else in my relationship domain.
and also I have lost a lot.
Great thing is ....what counted are my victories..
It started from third year of my college, when I started a lot of anglo - american novels, I have loved reading always, but I have loved it more than anything else in this time period...
This was the time when many good students dream of becoming project leads and manager once in their job, visiting client places, specially America on company's expense...
My dreams were being brutally murdered one after another by Sidney Sheldon, I read his 15 novels... and I said enough.
then I started reading philosophical novels.
I read self help books, like stephen covey, dale carnegie etc...
I read Dr. weiss , Many masters many lives, Through time into healing...
I was definitely reading a lot of Times of India, and Chetan Bhagat..
I nearly read some 50+ books and
This last book through time into healing hit me ..
and I demanded healing (if I required any) from Nature. and I realized that I really needed it, I got it.
next book I read was - Theory of Eternal life.
and then I started reading Outliers...
and I learned FD framework.
and mean while I realized 'Balancing' is the ultimate goal of life.
On woman's day I would like to talk about it...
all of us have both the sex (Male and Female) inside us, and as we grow we need to balance them in us.
every one is ardh nareeshwar in oneself.
but last 25-35+ years, the mothers have been suppressed rebellions, and many of them have lived their wishful free lives through their daughters.
A country like India which has got independence just three generations ago..
I believe our would be mothers (at least) need to be a bit careful to not to transfer the ill will of rebellion and resistance.
-Shalini
8/3/11
आधुनिके तुम नहि अगर कुछ हो तो केवल नारी!
I would pat myself to have such a strong memory, I prepared the best quotes for writing essays related to woman, it is a hot topic for essay writing still .. I believe.
I remember how I convinced one of my friend that woman should not study or at least they should not work (why carry double responsibilities ?) (I feel it very sexy convincing someone about something I even don't believe myself.)
In my school time I always debated against my point of view, and won also .. (second prize many times...) I realized my capabilities very late.. and school was about to over then.
I demand a lot from nature and to all my awe and wonder I accept it also .. with twisted eye brows and open heart.
lately since last two years I demanded from the nature that I don't really want to wait, I want to walk, and I walked, in solitude and with struggle within the self.
I have fought myself more than any one else in my relationship domain.
and also I have lost a lot.
Great thing is ....what counted are my victories..
It started from third year of my college, when I started a lot of anglo - american novels, I have loved reading always, but I have loved it more than anything else in this time period...
This was the time when many good students dream of becoming project leads and manager once in their job, visiting client places, specially America on company's expense...
My dreams were being brutally murdered one after another by Sidney Sheldon, I read his 15 novels... and I said enough.
then I started reading philosophical novels.
I read self help books, like stephen covey, dale carnegie etc...
I read Dr. weiss , Many masters many lives, Through time into healing...
I was definitely reading a lot of Times of India, and Chetan Bhagat..
I nearly read some 50+ books and
This last book through time into healing hit me ..
and I demanded healing (if I required any) from Nature. and I realized that I really needed it, I got it.
next book I read was - Theory of Eternal life.
and then I started reading Outliers...
and I learned FD framework.
and mean while I realized 'Balancing' is the ultimate goal of life.
On woman's day I would like to talk about it...
all of us have both the sex (Male and Female) inside us, and as we grow we need to balance them in us.
every one is ardh nareeshwar in oneself.
but last 25-35+ years, the mothers have been suppressed rebellions, and many of them have lived their wishful free lives through their daughters.
A country like India which has got independence just three generations ago..
I believe our would be mothers (at least) need to be a bit careful to not to transfer the ill will of rebellion and resistance.
-Shalini
8/3/11
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Where my passion lies
1. Learning... new things. Trying them out myself.
2. Teaching / learning with Kids.
3. Being a seer for other's growth.
4. Cooking good food, Feeding others. Serving.
5. Learning about literature, Indian Culture.
2. Teaching / learning with Kids.
3. Being a seer for other's growth.
4. Cooking good food, Feeding others. Serving.
5. Learning about literature, Indian Culture.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Happy Valentines day
Long and High leap that I have taken from last year valentine to this year's.
I have become a woman. and I have realized where the real power lies.
Its not in holding and getting something or everything.. Its in how easily you detach yourself with so many things.. and still continue to love and learn from it.
Its not about how high you jump.. its about sprinting continuously.
Love is about stretching. Its about measuring thyself. Love is a mirror which ruthlessly shows you how mean and meaning less you can be, given a chance.
Love only absorbs your sobs and cries, cribs and complaints. Still it flows and flows to let you grow and prosper.
Power .. what a great and killing mis conception I had about this word.
I have become a woman. and I have realized where the real power lies.
Its not in holding and getting something or everything.. Its in how easily you detach yourself with so many things.. and still continue to love and learn from it.
Its not about how high you jump.. its about sprinting continuously.
Love is about stretching. Its about measuring thyself. Love is a mirror which ruthlessly shows you how mean and meaning less you can be, given a chance.
Love only absorbs your sobs and cries, cribs and complaints. Still it flows and flows to let you grow and prosper.
Power .. what a great and killing mis conception I had about this word.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I wanted to be a Principal
It was many years back, I was in 5th std, and I was learning essay on 'My School'.
The third point in this essay was - 'The name of our school principal is Mr. D.R Shastri'.
I still remember all the lessons, almost all the classes' lecturers... and I think I can act my kinder garten teachers even now.
We used to celebrate Independence day, Republic day, Children's day etc in my school time, and My principal used to read a welcome note to the chief guest.
and then he used to sit on the chair that was next to the chief guest.
They were served snacks and cold drinks while children used to perform. They used to clap in between, used to chat something mean while ... and at the end the chief guest used to announce to start something new in our school, or used to donate some money in education trust.
while all children used to watch performances, mesmerized I used to notice how the principal behaves, how she walks, how she smiles, how she drives her car, how she parks, then how she walks etc.
Nothing went unnoticed from my eyes.
I have decided in a very early age that I wanted to become a principal.
I also decided to make a school, I decided its name, I decided its layout, its location etc........
I remember, how I used to query my uncle about the prices of lands in his village. I wanted to make a school where there are no highways near by, I wanted my school to be just another world. I used to think of adopting babies at the age of 9. and that was amazing...when My mother used to tell me that you can really adopt once you are 18, and you should earn enough to raise your kids.
I was growing.. I was studious and my parents loved me, They guided me as far as they could, and then they started believing me, my passions, my intuitions,my suggestions, at times they rejected them too.
and very early I started carrying the burden of normality, while I remained determined to not to carry this for so long.
but what could I do.
I started following other kids, making sure that I was performing well.
and I became a lovable child, student, and finally a software engineer,
I became a wife too.
and that was the turning point.
My dreams started changing the day I heard Janak.
He is a Bold man, who dared coming out of all the shit he has been told all his life, following his heart, and he accepts his perfection.
Recently JM has written about 'Burden of Normality'. I can feel that, My head is heavy all the time, carrying it, I am never my self.
Education empowers Ego. It does, May be that's the reason that women don't want to learn cooking anymore.
Males are becoming females and females becoming males, creating imbalance in nature, or is it other way around?
does Nature want this only? does she wants to teach all of us the true meaning of sex and sexuality?
I am a potential teacher, and I am having a hard time accepting this fact... why?
I am a good cook... I know that too. every one who has tasted my food has told this to me several times.
But would I accept being a cook/ baker for all my life?
would I accept being a teacher, giving tuitions and transforming the students, when I even have live examples.
would I ever accept my worth?
would I ever think over that I wanted to become a principal.
would I ever become a good software professional. My education does not let me think over of being anything that is considered as lower job profile than being a software engineer.
Ego.. too much of it. Discrimination .. that is killing my inner peace.
why do I still carry such burden of normality?
why don't I decide to live a happy, healthy and lazy life.
Putting my nature in words.. I should be called an industrious sinner, who has suicidal tendencies.. as I am sort of workaholic.
I don't have an idea of what heavens I am gonna see after such suicide.
I am afraid that I don't waste my life in thinking too much and feeling miserable about not deciding upon the things...
The third point in this essay was - 'The name of our school principal is Mr. D.R Shastri'.
I still remember all the lessons, almost all the classes' lecturers... and I think I can act my kinder garten teachers even now.
We used to celebrate Independence day, Republic day, Children's day etc in my school time, and My principal used to read a welcome note to the chief guest.
and then he used to sit on the chair that was next to the chief guest.
They were served snacks and cold drinks while children used to perform. They used to clap in between, used to chat something mean while ... and at the end the chief guest used to announce to start something new in our school, or used to donate some money in education trust.
while all children used to watch performances, mesmerized I used to notice how the principal behaves, how she walks, how she smiles, how she drives her car, how she parks, then how she walks etc.
Nothing went unnoticed from my eyes.
I have decided in a very early age that I wanted to become a principal.
I also decided to make a school, I decided its name, I decided its layout, its location etc........
I remember, how I used to query my uncle about the prices of lands in his village. I wanted to make a school where there are no highways near by, I wanted my school to be just another world. I used to think of adopting babies at the age of 9. and that was amazing...when My mother used to tell me that you can really adopt once you are 18, and you should earn enough to raise your kids.
I was growing.. I was studious and my parents loved me, They guided me as far as they could, and then they started believing me, my passions, my intuitions,my suggestions, at times they rejected them too.
and very early I started carrying the burden of normality, while I remained determined to not to carry this for so long.
but what could I do.
I started following other kids, making sure that I was performing well.
and I became a lovable child, student, and finally a software engineer,
I became a wife too.
and that was the turning point.
My dreams started changing the day I heard Janak.
He is a Bold man, who dared coming out of all the shit he has been told all his life, following his heart, and he accepts his perfection.
Recently JM has written about 'Burden of Normality'. I can feel that, My head is heavy all the time, carrying it, I am never my self.
Education empowers Ego. It does, May be that's the reason that women don't want to learn cooking anymore.
Males are becoming females and females becoming males, creating imbalance in nature, or is it other way around?
does Nature want this only? does she wants to teach all of us the true meaning of sex and sexuality?
I am a potential teacher, and I am having a hard time accepting this fact... why?
I am a good cook... I know that too. every one who has tasted my food has told this to me several times.
But would I accept being a cook/ baker for all my life?
would I accept being a teacher, giving tuitions and transforming the students, when I even have live examples.
would I ever accept my worth?
would I ever think over that I wanted to become a principal.
would I ever become a good software professional. My education does not let me think over of being anything that is considered as lower job profile than being a software engineer.
Ego.. too much of it. Discrimination .. that is killing my inner peace.
why do I still carry such burden of normality?
why don't I decide to live a happy, healthy and lazy life.
Putting my nature in words.. I should be called an industrious sinner, who has suicidal tendencies.. as I am sort of workaholic.
I don't have an idea of what heavens I am gonna see after such suicide.
I am afraid that I don't waste my life in thinking too much and feeling miserable about not deciding upon the things...
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